Abstract: We describe HobbyLM, a family of small sparse Mixture-of-Experts (MoE) models trained from scratch with a few hundred to a few thousand dollars of rented GPU time. The core is a decoder-only transformer with fine-grained experts, sigmoid routing with auxiliary-loss-free load balancing, grouped-query attention with per-head QK-normalization, and aMuon/AdamW optimizer split. Each of these choices was selected with a single-variable ablation suite at 130M parameters. On this architecture we train a 500M-parameter model (169M active) on 40B FineWeb tokens and post-train it into a chat model, a masked-diffusion language model, a function-calling and computer-use agent, and a single "omni" checkpoint that reads text, images, video, sound and speech through frozen encoders and small projectors. We run these models on a laptop CPU with a from-scratch Rust inference engine. Two of the authors then adopted the architecture without architectural changes to build HobbyLM-1B (1.04B total, 305M active parameters), trained on a 100B-token curated mixture with a high-quality anneal. HobbyLM-1B reaches a 47.5 average on seven zero-shot benchmarks, and its builders also release an instruction-tuned model and an on-device macOS computer-use adapter. Finally, we describe HobbyLM-Image, a 333M-parameter flow-matching diffusion transformer that generates 1024x1024 images in a 32x-compressed latent space, together with a dependency-light CPU implementation of the full text-to-image pipeline. We report what worked, what did not, and where the small-scale ceilings lie. We also state for each component which author designed or built it.